im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
