Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
