We're facebook friends in real life
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
