I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
