she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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