so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
