What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
