just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
