You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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