Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
