Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
