when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
