I can text with my tongue
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
