Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
