i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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