Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
