I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
this is an emotional support booty call
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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