I wish i was in the wii world.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
