It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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