Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So here I am, sexting at work.
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