i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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