i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
