the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
