you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
