your thong is hanging out like whoa
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
