apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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