he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
