ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
