I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
