If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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