I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
