i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
