I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize