Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
