Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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