There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
