More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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