I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
