i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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