i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
