He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
