are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
