we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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