You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
