Can i not drive my cunt home
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
