Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
