i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
