As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
