doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
