my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
