So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i dont even know how to be here
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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