I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize