Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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