Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize