It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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