i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
