Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
