When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
