Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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