seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
