I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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