i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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