Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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