I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
