i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
