well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
