do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
