what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
