Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
