Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
