Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize