So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
