Are we in a gay sports bar?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
