My first STD was from a foam party
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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