Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
