It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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