is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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