it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
