the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
