Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Boobs speak an international language.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize