Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
