I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
