I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
