I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
