im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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