I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
