A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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