i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
