Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
