***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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