walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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