I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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