I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
