I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
